Are you willing to adopt?
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
This article was published in our local newspaper in celebration of National Adoption Day.
It was a cold afternoon in December 2002 when I boarded the airplane to meet a little two year old girl in an orphanage in Kostroma, Russia. My heart was a strange mixture of excitement and fear that day. I had read the reports again and again. She had been born weighing 1 ½ pounds and was very small. The reports mentioned her spending time in foster care and then back in the orphanage system. Why, even in the United States, that would be a child with potentially great risks.
But this was not any child. This little darling was my child.
So with that I made the leap, waded through all the lengthy adoption paperwork, traveled two times to Russia and finally adopted her. I will never forget that day five years ago when we landed at the Dulles international Airport amidst the cheers of other welcoming families. From the moment her tiny feet touched the ground she became an American citizen.
The years have gone by quickly. Too quickly. Today she is a bright, healthy eight year old with a zest for living and loving. She spreads sunshine and laughter wherever she goes as does her big sister, Noelle. Culpeper has wonderfully embraced these two girls as well as many other adopted children.
But there is more to be done. Last year there were over 8,000 children in foster care in Virginia waiting to find their permanent family. Would you be willing to consider opening your heart to a child who desperately needs a home?
November 15, 2008 is National Adoption Day. This is a day designed to raise awareness of the needs of so many children waiting for their forever family. It is also a day to celebrate the many families who have adopted or fostered a child. But the question still remains.
Would you be willing? Could it be that there are yet more families in our area that will be blessed by adopting a child.
The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis but rather the feeling of being unwanted. - Mother Teresa
Sharon Beth Brani
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Adoption and Citizenship
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
I remember that day like it was yesterday. After hours and hours of riding with my precious seven month old daughter, I stepped out of the plane at Dulles International Airport in Washington, DC. When my feet touched the ground she was finally in the country where she would live and learn and love. It was months later that she officially became an American citizen. Her small hands held an American flag and she waved it joyfully around. Although the significance of that moment passed her by on that day it was only a few years later when she proudly sang "I'm Glad to Be an American" at her school talent show and I could tell that her citizenship did mean a lot to her.
When I adopted my youngest daughter she became an American citizen the moment my feet touched American soil. Ah, what a day that was. We will always be grateful for her beginnings in Russia and for her life here in America.
A few days ago we stood in line at the polls for over an hour so that I could vote. Both of my girls take great interest in their country. Both were very ‘into' this election particularly the issues concerning life. They appreciate their citizenship and are counting the years until they are able to vote too.
Adoption has been a tremendous blessing for our family. I continue to learn so much from my two girls. One thing which I continue to learn is to never take for granted your citizenship. It is filled with both great privileges and also huge responsibility.
As we build strong adoptive families lets continue to teach our children the importance of being a citizen. This can be done both informally by spontaneous discussions, reading newspapers together, listening to talk shows, etc. It can also be done intentionally through exposing them to debates, political discussions, books, speakers, magazine articles, etc. These are challenging days. It's time to develop within our families an understanding of their country and its ways. Our children have a right to know. Let's teach them well!
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A Commitment of a Lifetime
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Although some aspects of parenting only last for a season, the heart of your parenting lasts for a lifetime. Just writing these words fills me with overwhelming gratitude and wonder.
A few years ago when I was in the process of adopting my oldest daughter from Russia a fellow teacher stopped me in the hall one day.
"Remember," she said with emphasis, "babies become teenagers." Then with a look of disgust she turned and walked on down the hall.
Her words puzzled me at the time. Certainly a healthy baby grows to become a teenager and then an adult. Everyone knows that! But today my daughter is fifteen years old and I can understand better what she meant. Parenting at each stage has its own challenges and the teenage years are no exception.
Many adoptive parents find the early childhood stage of parenting satisfying and rewarding but when their child begins to develop his/her own identity their feelings about parenting change to one of less satisfaction.
Its not always easy but amid all the long talks and discussions parenting at this stage is still very satisfying for me. Instead of becoming permissive and distant it is important to allow your long term commitment to the wellbeing of your child to hold you steady through all the storms and stressors of the teen years. It is important to help your child become their very best.
"You're a good mom," I heard coming from the other room a few days ago. I'm not sure what precipitated that but it touched my heart and I couldn't help smiling. How changeable are the emotions of a teenager! Thanksgiving filled my soul again.
"I'll always be here for you," I called back. Truer words could not be spoken. Parenting is a heart commitment which lasts a lifetime. May you too continue to be strengthened as you parent. Today passes so quickly. Keep your eyes on the goal and trust the One Who continues to guide you.
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Seasons of Parenting
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
The other weekend when I went to the mountains with my two girls I was aware again of how quickly the season of parenting goes. It seems like yesterday when I traveled to Russia to bring home my little seven month old daughter. Today she is a beautiful fifteen year old counting the days until she can drive the car. Why, it was just yesterday it seems when she was learning to push the shopping cart down the aisle of the food store. I remember cringing inside when she'd make a corner too wide or she would almost miss someone. Yes, driving lessons will come and with it one more accomplishment. Gradually I'm working myself out of one more aspect of parenting.
My heart is full of gratitude for each day I have to make a difference in her life. And although it is sad as I pack away this remembrance and that childhood toy what helps me so much is knowing that God entrusted me with the privilege of mothering her. Any pain that I might experience is nothing compared to the possibility of never having had the opportunity to be her mother. No, the changes will come but I will keep my mind and heart filled with thanksgiving for what is.
Having an older daughter also effects how greatly I appreciate parenting my eight year old. I see her now working hard on third grade multiplication problems and I know that in almost a split second she will be solving an algebraic equation. It goes that fast! I long to enjoy the moments together. I hunger to build laughter and love into these days so that when she looks back on her childhood she will have fond memories.
Yes, our world tends to rush kids to grow up. As a mother I resist the pressures of society. As a family we often journey at a calmer pace picking up this activity and letting that other one go. We sometimes linger around the table laughing and sharing stories. We've been known to all sprawl out on the floor together with blankets and pillows watching a good ‘oldie' on TV. We still enjoy singing songs around the piano and just hanging out together. We really do enjoy each other. That's the way I want it to be ten years from now. Twenty years from now. God wants to provide wisdom and peace to all parents no matter what stage of parenting. He is faithful. Always.
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A View Of Parenting From The Mountaintop
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
At the top of the mountain everything looks different. This past weekend my girls and I watched a gorgeous sunset over the Blue Ridge Mountains. We, nestled in our room at the mountain lodge, happened to be at just the right place outside to observe a magnificent moment- a vivid sunset too beautiful to language. How I wish you could have seen it too.
We observed with silent expectancy as a little at a time the red golden ball disappeared from view. It was the ending of another day and with the ending the hush of evening descended and millions of little twinkly lights appeared in the valley below. The reds in the sky softened to areas of pink and purple before our eyes. In only a matter of minutes our place up on the mountain top was transformed and we experienced the splendor of a very special night. It was an experience that I will remember for a long time.
Quite spontaneously we had climbed in the car on Saturday morning. It had been a long time since we had gone up higher. Somehow on this particular day everything fell into place. We even grabbed an overnight bag and quickly filled it with toothbrushes, pajamas and some clothes. But our plan was really to just spend the day taking a hike and maybe eating a meal on the mountaintop. October is not the time of year to expect any openings at the lodges.
I was looking forward to the time of getting a higher view. Everything looks different from up high. Even parenting looks different. From up high small annoying habits don't seem so, well, annoying. From the mountaintop the bigger picture of parenting is clearer. This is easy to miss in the day to day rush of living. Yes, up higher the goal of raising strong girls with godly characters is more obvious. My desire to see them become all that He wants them to be is even greater from the heights.
Well unexpectedly we found a cozy room to stay in over night. The air was cool and crisp. The scent of fires burning in fireplaces and ripened apples was everywhere. We spent a long time sitting out on our deck watching the lights shining in the valley below. The cool air forced us to grab blankets to wrap around us as we watched and talked long into the night. It was a memorable adventure in which we all got a stronger vision and a greater sense of God's purpose in our lives and in our family.
One thought that struck me again was that we parent for only a season. We love our children for a lifetime.
It all looks different from the mountaintop. Take the time to climb the mountain soon. You'll be so glad that you did. And so will your whole adoptive family.
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Toddler Adoption
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Each adoption is different.
I adopted my two girls from Russia. My oldest was six months old when I brought her home. She adjusted quickly. From the beginning she slept soundly through the night, ate well and enjoyed people. Today at fifteen she still has that easy going personality.
Yes, my first adoption went so well I was not prepared for the difficulties of adopting a toddler. Although I had read books and talked with others who had adopted a toddler even that did not quite prepare me for the struggles we had in the beginning.
Jenny was two when I brought her home from Russia. She turned three the next week and we celebrated with balloons and a big cake. Even though I still remember many wonderful moments I can also remember the difficulty she had adjusting. She slept lightly and woke up numerous times each night. Many times she experienced night terrors. I remember waking up to high pitched screams and running to her room to comfort her.
New experiences were difficult so we went slowly in exposing her to different things. Only eating was a consistent pleasure. Other than that there were constant energy draining struggles. But today she is a well adjusted eight year old who handles change in stride.
What helped me through those difficult days of adjustment? Knowing that it wouldn't last forever. I realized that adjusting is just that. Adjusting. That the present struggle was not a statement about the future. My dear daughter had experienced tremendous loss and pain in her short life before I adopted her. It would take time and consistently meeting her needs to help her heal and grow. I often look back on that period and wonder how we made it. One secret was the determination to take one day at a time. Staying focused on what I could do for just that one day to help her in her growth and adjustment was something I could do. Having a positive mental attitude was something I could develop and maintain.
Using that same skill works well today. We often tell ourselves, "Just for today I can..." Tomorrow will take care of itself.
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The Difference of Adoption
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
"I'm tired of always being different!"
Those words were spoken a few weeks ago by my fifteen year old. They struck me withsuch force the day they were spoken and they still do today.
Different! How teenagers struggle with being different. At a time in their life when they long to belong and fit in being different causes one to feel like the ugly duckling in a poolof ducks. It gives only little comfort to share that one day they will see that those very same differences are part of their uniqueness. It really doesn't help to explain all that is valuable about those differences.
No, maybe the best we can do it so accept the feelings of our teenager and be there for them. Just giving them a place to share their painful feelings is far more valuable then we might ever realize.
I remember feeling quite different as a fifteen year old. Glasses, braces and plain clothes while all my friends seemed to be dressed in more expensive clothing contributed in part to my feelings of being different. I also remember looking at my parents and wondering how in the world I had come to be.
"Am I adopted?" I even asked one day. Even being told no did not really soothe those trouble feelings of being different. Somehow I grew beyond the pain and began to realize how normal this stage is.
But today I have my own fifteen year old who was adopted. Born in Russia she has been with me since she was six months old. In some ways she is different than me. I am glad to admit that. But in many ways we are the same.
In time she too will begin to see that different is ...well different. Not bad or good. Just different. For our family formed by adoption different is a strength. Even our two dogs are different.
How do you handle differences in your family?
Oh Lord, help me to continue to see Your wisdom in differences. Without them how boring this world would be. Please help me to patiently accept the differences in others and in myself.
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Grandparents and Adoption
Saturday, September 13, 2008
This past week we celebrated Grandparents Day and my mind wandered back to the role that grandparents have played in our family. Words can not begin to language my appreciation to them for how they have loved and supported my two daughters.
I'll never forget that time many years ago when I told my parents that I, at 43, was planning to adopt a baby girl from Russia. Even though our relationship was close and they knew for years my deep longing to be a mother, there concern was obvious. Instead of the grand celebration that often accompanies the announcement of a new arrival, there was fear and anxiety. Now as I look back on it I can understand even better than I could at the time.
Single parenting is never easy and it was certainly not my plan for my life. No, I always envisioned the small cottage with a white picket fence, the loving husband and four bouncy children. But my life did not unfold that way. While in my early forties I surrendered all my hopes and plans and I embraced His Plan for my life whatever that might be. Adoption was clearly His plan from the beginning.
But it stretched not only me but also every member in my family particularly my parents. Etched in my memory is the day when I arrived home at Dulles International Airport in Washington, DC with my seven month old daughter from Russia. As soon as my eyes saw my parents who were then both 70 waving excitedly from the side, I knew that they were grandparents in the real sense of the word.
I placed my precious daughter in the arms of my loving Dad and saw him gaze with a look of sheer adoration into the eyes of his first grandchild. A child like no other. The bond is still very deep between them. And my dear mother giggled and fussed when she saw this long awaited grandchild. Yes, God knew from the very beginning what we all needed. He always does.
So this Grandparents Day we celebrated again their loving care and support in both my girls lives. They have been there...at school events, at birthdays, at holidays and even on the most ordinary days. My girls can count on their grandparents. What a tremendous gift to give a child who has nothing. Yes, the gift of loving grandparents is priceless. I hope your adopted children have grandparents too and that you take the time to celebrate them.
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Open Hearts to Orphans
Sunday, September 7, 2008
What a thrill it was this past Thursday to witness in Culpeper, VA an outpouring of love and care for orphans around the world. I'm not sure what moved me the most. The many people who came to the benefit concert of Tim Janis and his Ensemble? The many, many people who donate new shoes for orphans? I heard the local shoe stores were inundated by folks wanting to buy shoes for children. Or was it the many people who stepped forward to help with the benefit itself?
Actually all those things moved me deeply but it was hearing Tim Janis prayfor those children who have nothing and to whom a pair of new shoes will mean everything. That simple prayer touched me the most.
Hearts are continuing to open to the needs of orphans. Hearts are continuing to open to adoption.
Yes, in all we collected over 300 pairs of shoes. We still need to pack and ship them to Texas before they are distributed to orphanages around the world. With each box we will whisper a prayer that God will bless all those precious children. My girls and I are so grateful to have had a small part.
Once more I got a glimpse of the heart of our loving Father. He loves those precious children deeply. He whispers to us to do what we can. It might not seem very big. A pair of shoes. But God will multiply our efforts.
He's already touched many hearts here in Virginia through this benefit. Is he speaking to you? If so listen to Him and be willing to take the next step. You will never regret it.
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The Adopted Child and Loss
Saturday, August 30, 2008
As we raise our adopted children from time to time we might realize their uniqueness. Wonderful as adoption is, it happens as a result of loss. Our children have experienced, whether they remember it or not, loss. And although healing occurs in their life the pain of loss might resurface from time to time. Such was our experience today.
Early this morning we received a call that the seventeen year old daughter of friends of ours had been killed in a car accident. My girls and I were shocked and saddened by the news. We are still trying to accept that painful news and our prayers reach out to all the family and friends. But I saw firsthand for myself again how very sensitive my two girls are to loss. It is a gift but also a vulnerability which they have.
Years ago a few months after I had adopted my youngest we spent the night at a nearby motel. Jenny was a little over 3 year old. As we were watching the movie Spirit all of a sudden she broke forth in wails and deep sobs. At first I had no idea what was going on but then as I observed the story I saw that the young horse had just been separated from its mother. And even though we kept reassuring Jenny that the horses would be reunited in the end she was inconsolable. The pain of loss is excruciating!
So once more we are dealing with loss in our home. The pain which for most would already be difficult can be even more so for an adopted child. Knowing that, I am able to give them the opportunity to process feelings that are beyond words. I can also point them to their loving Father. Our loving Father knows all about our pain and He will heal our hearts as we turn to Him. That makes all the difference. The comfort that we draw upon is an eternal comfort. He continues to pour out His Peace that passeth all understanding. Have you discovered that too? May your day be filled with His Peace and His Eternal comfort.
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