A Commitment of a Lifetime
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Although some aspects of parenting only last for a season, the heart of your parenting lasts for a lifetime. Just writing these words fills me with overwhelming gratitude and wonder.
A few years ago when I was in the process of adopting my oldest daughter from Russia a fellow teacher stopped me in the hall one day.
"Remember," she said with emphasis, "babies become teenagers." Then with a look of disgust she turned and walked on down the hall.
Her words puzzled me at the time. Certainly a healthy baby grows to become a teenager and then an adult. Everyone knows that! But today my daughter is fifteen years old and I can understand better what she meant. Parenting at each stage has its own challenges and the teenage years are no exception.
Many adoptive parents find the early childhood stage of parenting satisfying and rewarding but when their child begins to develop his/her own identity their feelings about parenting change to one of less satisfaction.
Its not always easy but amid all the long talks and discussions parenting at this stage is still very satisfying for me. Instead of becoming permissive and distant it is important to allow your long term commitment to the wellbeing of your child to hold you steady through all the storms and stressors of the teen years. It is important to help your child become their very best.
"You're a good mom," I heard coming from the other room a few days ago. I'm not sure what precipitated that but it touched my heart and I couldn't help smiling. How changeable are the emotions of a teenager! Thanksgiving filled my soul again.
"I'll always be here for you," I called back. Truer words could not be spoken. Parenting is a heart commitment which lasts a lifetime. May you too continue to be strengthened as you parent. Today passes so quickly. Keep your eyes on the goal and trust the One Who continues to guide you.
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Seasons of Parenting
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
The other weekend when I went to the mountains with my two girls I was aware again of how quickly the season of parenting goes. It seems like yesterday when I traveled to Russia to bring home my little seven month old daughter. Today she is a beautiful fifteen year old counting the days until she can drive the car. Why, it was just yesterday it seems when she was learning to push the shopping cart down the aisle of the food store. I remember cringing inside when she'd make a corner too wide or she would almost miss someone. Yes, driving lessons will come and with it one more accomplishment. Gradually I'm working myself out of one more aspect of parenting.
My heart is full of gratitude for each day I have to make a difference in her life. And although it is sad as I pack away this remembrance and that childhood toy what helps me so much is knowing that God entrusted me with the privilege of mothering her. Any pain that I might experience is nothing compared to the possibility of never having had the opportunity to be her mother. No, the changes will come but I will keep my mind and heart filled with thanksgiving for what is.
Having an older daughter also effects how greatly I appreciate parenting my eight year old. I see her now working hard on third grade multiplication problems and I know that in almost a split second she will be solving an algebraic equation. It goes that fast! I long to enjoy the moments together. I hunger to build laughter and love into these days so that when she looks back on her childhood she will have fond memories.
Yes, our world tends to rush kids to grow up. As a mother I resist the pressures of society. As a family we often journey at a calmer pace picking up this activity and letting that other one go. We sometimes linger around the table laughing and sharing stories. We've been known to all sprawl out on the floor together with blankets and pillows watching a good ‘oldie' on TV. We still enjoy singing songs around the piano and just hanging out together. We really do enjoy each other. That's the way I want it to be ten years from now. Twenty years from now. God wants to provide wisdom and peace to all parents no matter what stage of parenting. He is faithful. Always.
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A View Of Parenting From The Mountaintop
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
At the top of the mountain everything looks different. This past weekend my girls and I watched a gorgeous sunset over the Blue Ridge Mountains. We, nestled in our room at the mountain lodge, happened to be at just the right place outside to observe a magnificent moment- a vivid sunset too beautiful to language. How I wish you could have seen it too.
We observed with silent expectancy as a little at a time the red golden ball disappeared from view. It was the ending of another day and with the ending the hush of evening descended and millions of little twinkly lights appeared in the valley below. The reds in the sky softened to areas of pink and purple before our eyes. In only a matter of minutes our place up on the mountain top was transformed and we experienced the splendor of a very special night. It was an experience that I will remember for a long time.
Quite spontaneously we had climbed in the car on Saturday morning. It had been a long time since we had gone up higher. Somehow on this particular day everything fell into place. We even grabbed an overnight bag and quickly filled it with toothbrushes, pajamas and some clothes. But our plan was really to just spend the day taking a hike and maybe eating a meal on the mountaintop. October is not the time of year to expect any openings at the lodges.
I was looking forward to the time of getting a higher view. Everything looks different from up high. Even parenting looks different. From up high small annoying habits don't seem so, well, annoying. From the mountaintop the bigger picture of parenting is clearer. This is easy to miss in the day to day rush of living. Yes, up higher the goal of raising strong girls with godly characters is more obvious. My desire to see them become all that He wants them to be is even greater from the heights.
Well unexpectedly we found a cozy room to stay in over night. The air was cool and crisp. The scent of fires burning in fireplaces and ripened apples was everywhere. We spent a long time sitting out on our deck watching the lights shining in the valley below. The cool air forced us to grab blankets to wrap around us as we watched and talked long into the night. It was a memorable adventure in which we all got a stronger vision and a greater sense of God's purpose in our lives and in our family.
One thought that struck me again was that we parent for only a season. We love our children for a lifetime.
It all looks different from the mountaintop. Take the time to climb the mountain soon. You'll be so glad that you did. And so will your whole adoptive family.
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Toddler Adoption
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Each adoption is different.
I adopted my two girls from Russia. My oldest was six months old when I brought her home. She adjusted quickly. From the beginning she slept soundly through the night, ate well and enjoyed people. Today at fifteen she still has that easy going personality.
Yes, my first adoption went so well I was not prepared for the difficulties of adopting a toddler. Although I had read books and talked with others who had adopted a toddler even that did not quite prepare me for the struggles we had in the beginning.
Jenny was two when I brought her home from Russia. She turned three the next week and we celebrated with balloons and a big cake. Even though I still remember many wonderful moments I can also remember the difficulty she had adjusting. She slept lightly and woke up numerous times each night. Many times she experienced night terrors. I remember waking up to high pitched screams and running to her room to comfort her.
New experiences were difficult so we went slowly in exposing her to different things. Only eating was a consistent pleasure. Other than that there were constant energy draining struggles. But today she is a well adjusted eight year old who handles change in stride.
What helped me through those difficult days of adjustment? Knowing that it wouldn't last forever. I realized that adjusting is just that. Adjusting. That the present struggle was not a statement about the future. My dear daughter had experienced tremendous loss and pain in her short life before I adopted her. It would take time and consistently meeting her needs to help her heal and grow. I often look back on that period and wonder how we made it. One secret was the determination to take one day at a time. Staying focused on what I could do for just that one day to help her in her growth and adjustment was something I could do. Having a positive mental attitude was something I could develop and maintain.
Using that same skill works well today. We often tell ourselves, "Just for today I can..." Tomorrow will take care of itself.
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