Cherishing the Moments
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
This past weekend my girls and I enjoyed a grand time at the park. We played wiffle ball and laughed till our bellies hurt. Even our two dogs got into the fun chasing the ball and running with it. Hot dogs and cheeseburger bites kept us fueled as we all just enjoyed being together outside. Later in the day we went to our community pool. Yesterday the water was still cool but good enough for us to jump in, splash and have fun.
These seemingly ordinary moments are so precious to me. My daughters are growing up quickly. Noelle's fifteenth birthday was yesterday. When I look at her I still see the little girl's face that captured my heart years ago. And even though she is now experiencing the challenging teen years I frequently catch glimpses of that same bright, glorious sunshine which is her personality. Her laughter and enthusiasm for life touch all who know her.
It is so true that we have this moment. That is all. The future is unknown. But this moment is ours. Knowing that helps me to push aside the demands of the day, the necessary to-do list and give myself totally to playing with my girls. Its days like yesterday that we talk about for years. Days of laughing. Days of spontaneity. Days of holding close the ones we love.
Last night we watched the inspirational movie Bella. It is an utterly unique movie which just captured my heart with its sensitivity and honesty. I found myself brushing tears from my cheeks as I watched it. As I retired last evening I whispered another prayer of thanks for two women in Russia who gave their daughters the chance to be adopted. My life has never been the same. And I'm forever grateful.
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Tragedy and Trust
Friday, May 23, 2008
Yesterday I heard the news of the tragic death of Steven Curtis Chapman's youngest daughter Maria. Tears flowed as I immediately felt the pain of her parents, her brothers and sisters. How sad that her life ended so abruptly. How devastating for all.
But when my emotions began to settle a little and I thought about the foundation of faith which this family has my thoughts began to turn. God is love. This did not happen as a surprise Him. So I wonder what He is up to. Oh, I might never know in my lifetime. But this one thing I do know. He is still continuing to work out His Purposes in the lives of those who love and trust Him. Many, many around the world have been touched. Thousands in the adoption family have been deeply moved. In our pain we look to Him in faith and trust. God always gives us reason to hope.
We grieve with the Chapman family. For those who wish to send condolences please check out the Steven Curtis Chapman website. We pray for all the family. And we continue to gaze on the One Who is the Healer of broken hearts. He is faithful all the time.
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Resources for parents
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
There are some excellent books available for adoptive parents to read not only for pleasure but also for understanding and skills. One of the books which I consider a must read for parents and professionals is Deborah Gray's Nurturing Adoptions. Much has changed in adoption in the past 10 years. One of the changes is in the area of understanding adopted children.
Just because a child is two years old doesn't mean he is at a two year old's expected level of development. Factors such as attachment issues, grief, trauma and prenatal exposure to harmful substances all play critical roles. Nurturing Adoptions provides skills for professionals and parents working with families in a 21st century world. Success stories are shared and breakthroughs which give encouragement and hope for even the most child. As I read story after story of children and their families who have overcome tremendous difficulties my heart was encouraged and inspired.
Steps are given for ways to transition children from infants to early teens into their new families. Specific effects are given of neglect and trauma on brain development so that one can recognize them. Approaches are shared which will encourage a child to flourish at home and school.
So if you are experiencing challenges in parenting your adopted child check out this book. You might find just the tip you need to help provide a home environment where your child can grow. When seeking professional help find one who has experience in working with adopted children and their families. Coaching for parents of adopted children is also available to give parents the support and skills they need. Give me a call at 540-825-1134 and we can discuss steps to support you in your parenting.
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Mother's Day Memories
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Mother's Day brings back lots of memories. I always longed to be a mommy. To have my own little freshly powdered baby. From the time I was just a little girl I used to play with my dolls and dream of that day when I would have my own little one. But the years went by and I seemed to be no closer to the reality of that dream coming true than I was as a child.
Mother's Day would come and go. I would often sit in church on that Sunday with silent tears and a heavy heart. Although I worked for many years as a first grade teacher and mothered many children, Mother's Day reminded me of what I wasn't. My sensitivity and understanding of the longings of so many women grew with the passing years. In December 24, 1993 all that changed. I adopted my daughter from Russia. The next Mother's Day was a joy I'll always remember when I dedicated my daughter to the Lord at our church.
Today I am blessed to have two wonderful daughters. My cup of joy overflows. Morning began this year with my girls happily fixing breakfast for me. I was given orders to stay in bed so I resisted all desires to join them in the kitchen and tried to pass time with a book. When they finally walked into the bedroom with smiles as bright as the sun I was touched to see the efforts they had put into serving me. A dainty cup of hot coffee, crisp bacon and blueberry muffins. What a grand way to start the day! We all sat on the queen size bed eating merrily. But before we did, we held hands and thanked the Lord for not only each other but for all women around the world.
My prayer is that I will always stay sensitive to the silent tears and heavy hearts of others on this particular day. Blessings are meant to be passed on. Do you know someone who needs an extra word of cheer? Do you know a woman who also aches with longing? Give her a call or invite her out to eat. She will appreciate it more than you know.
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Handling Those Questions
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Children must be taught how to handle questions about their adoption status. Questions frequently come up at school and children need direction and specific strategies that not only let them preserve their privacy but also serve to educate others.
One way that children learn how to handle questions is just by listening to the responses of their parents. When you are asked questions about your child or adoption, give people answers that you want your child to hear. Sometimes just practicing answers gives children confidence in how to handle them easily when they come. They will come. One question that my girls have been asked on more than one occasion is, "Is that your Real sister?" They have both learned to respond honestly with "Yes, she is my real sister." Usually the next question is, "No, you know what I mean. Is she your real sister?" They then respond, "Yes, she is my real sister through adoption."
As people see the confidence children have with their own story they frequently begin to relax. It is impossible to have a ready answer for every probing question. Sometimes you might be caught off guard. Your adopted child, for instance, might be asked something for which they have no response. That is when the parent needs to be ready to step in and help your child cope. Validate his feelings about inappropriate questions. Ask your child how you can help. You may decide that it is best to talk with school officials or the classroom teacher. But many times it is best to empower your child by letting them handle the situation in their own way. More often than not the best protection you can give is by teaching your child how to respond.
Finally, every question does not need to be answered. You are not required to be open with everyone. Instead you must be sensitive to the feelings of your adopted child. Questions can often sting and cause wounds. Learn to communicate well with your child and together you will be able to avoid much pain and also help to educate others.
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