The Difference of Adoption
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
"I'm tired of always being different!"
Those words were spoken a few weeks ago by my fifteen year old. They struck me withsuch force the day they were spoken and they still do today.
Different! How teenagers struggle with being different. At a time in their life when they long to belong and fit in being different causes one to feel like the ugly duckling in a poolof ducks. It gives only little comfort to share that one day they will see that those very same differences are part of their uniqueness. It really doesn't help to explain all that is valuable about those differences.
No, maybe the best we can do it so accept the feelings of our teenager and be there for them. Just giving them a place to share their painful feelings is far more valuable then we might ever realize.
I remember feeling quite different as a fifteen year old. Glasses, braces and plain clothes while all my friends seemed to be dressed in more expensive clothing contributed in part to my feelings of being different. I also remember looking at my parents and wondering how in the world I had come to be.
"Am I adopted?" I even asked one day. Even being told no did not really soothe those trouble feelings of being different. Somehow I grew beyond the pain and began to realize how normal this stage is.
But today I have my own fifteen year old who was adopted. Born in Russia she has been with me since she was six months old. In some ways she is different than me. I am glad to admit that. But in many ways we are the same.
In time she too will begin to see that different is ...well different. Not bad or good. Just different. For our family formed by adoption different is a strength. Even our two dogs are different.
How do you handle differences in your family?
Oh Lord, help me to continue to see Your wisdom in differences. Without them how boring this world would be. Please help me to patiently accept the differences in others and in myself.
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Grandparents and Adoption
Saturday, September 13, 2008
This past week we celebrated Grandparents Day and my mind wandered back to the role that grandparents have played in our family. Words can not begin to language my appreciation to them for how they have loved and supported my two daughters.
I'll never forget that time many years ago when I told my parents that I, at 43, was planning to adopt a baby girl from Russia. Even though our relationship was close and they knew for years my deep longing to be a mother, there concern was obvious. Instead of the grand celebration that often accompanies the announcement of a new arrival, there was fear and anxiety. Now as I look back on it I can understand even better than I could at the time.
Single parenting is never easy and it was certainly not my plan for my life. No, I always envisioned the small cottage with a white picket fence, the loving husband and four bouncy children. But my life did not unfold that way. While in my early forties I surrendered all my hopes and plans and I embraced His Plan for my life whatever that might be. Adoption was clearly His plan from the beginning.
But it stretched not only me but also every member in my family particularly my parents. Etched in my memory is the day when I arrived home at Dulles International Airport in Washington, DC with my seven month old daughter from Russia. As soon as my eyes saw my parents who were then both 70 waving excitedly from the side, I knew that they were grandparents in the real sense of the word.
I placed my precious daughter in the arms of my loving Dad and saw him gaze with a look of sheer adoration into the eyes of his first grandchild. A child like no other. The bond is still very deep between them. And my dear mother giggled and fussed when she saw this long awaited grandchild. Yes, God knew from the very beginning what we all needed. He always does.
So this Grandparents Day we celebrated again their loving care and support in both my girls lives. They have been there...at school events, at birthdays, at holidays and even on the most ordinary days. My girls can count on their grandparents. What a tremendous gift to give a child who has nothing. Yes, the gift of loving grandparents is priceless. I hope your adopted children have grandparents too and that you take the time to celebrate them.
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Open Hearts to Orphans
Sunday, September 7, 2008
What a thrill it was this past Thursday to witness in Culpeper, VA an outpouring of love and care for orphans around the world. I'm not sure what moved me the most. The many people who came to the benefit concert of Tim Janis and his Ensemble? The many, many people who donate new shoes for orphans? I heard the local shoe stores were inundated by folks wanting to buy shoes for children. Or was it the many people who stepped forward to help with the benefit itself?
Actually all those things moved me deeply but it was hearing Tim Janis prayfor those children who have nothing and to whom a pair of new shoes will mean everything. That simple prayer touched me the most.
Hearts are continuing to open to the needs of orphans. Hearts are continuing to open to adoption.
Yes, in all we collected over 300 pairs of shoes. We still need to pack and ship them to Texas before they are distributed to orphanages around the world. With each box we will whisper a prayer that God will bless all those precious children. My girls and I are so grateful to have had a small part.
Once more I got a glimpse of the heart of our loving Father. He loves those precious children deeply. He whispers to us to do what we can. It might not seem very big. A pair of shoes. But God will multiply our efforts.
He's already touched many hearts here in Virginia through this benefit. Is he speaking to you? If so listen to Him and be willing to take the next step. You will never regret it.
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