More Steps To Easing the Transition
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
vThere are two more steps to easing the transition during that first year.
Along with playing with your child, talking together and gently dealing with negative behavior, it is also important for you as a parent to practice good self-care. Make sure that you get enough sleep, good food and exercise. Little ones who have been moved and/or neglected tend to be irritable, fussy and hard to soothe. Parents use their own patience to regulate their moods to help calm their child. Your own emotional stability will help to stabilize your child's moods. A parent who is tired, anxious or depressed cannot give a child an adequate source of emotional regulation.
If you see your moods slipping even with good self care, get some counseling and /or use an antidepressant. It is too hard to do this nurturing parenting while being depressed. Take time for sleep, good meals and exercise. Exercise your spiritual resources through prayer and Bible study.
Finally, find an adoption coach. This person needs to be someone who is positive and trained in meeting the developmental needs of adopted children. The coaching relationship will provide not only that sense of nurture for the parent but also skills and information at different stages of the adoption journey. Parents need someone who will care for them. Join a support group. Meet with other adopted parents in your church.
By the end of the first year your adopted child should be seeking out his/her parents for affection and play. They should prefer being with their parents. They should show excitement about their time together. In secure attachment a hurting child will calm with the parent and accept soothing. All too often trauma and grief hinder attachment and the child will display signs of trauma such as night terrors, extreme mood swings, biting, freezing, etc. If you notice these signs seek out a mental health counselor who is familiar with issues of attachment to help your child.
May you continue to experience peace and joy in your parenting wherever you are on the journey.
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